Will Women Save Funeral Service?

I grew up in a family of very powerful women. My grand mother, mom, aunts, and great aunts were all small business owners and very entrepreneurial-minded during a very male-dominated time. In my family, women were heard, and it was expected for them to be heard. I’ve had several male role models and influencers in business and my personal life, and I am very grateful for their positive impact. I have also been fortunate to carefully observe the women in my family operate their small businesses. These important women in my life often communicated with customers differently. Not necessarily better, but differently.

My dad, George, was a big part of my life and passed on many pages of life hacks, lessons, and knowledge. Respect, be on time, family first, and acceptance are engrained from my father. Which have all served me well personally and professionally. My mom, Pam, was a single mom who raised me and 3 other siblings. Since women were such an important piece of my life, I found it very odd when I started in the funeral service and saw how male-centric it truly was. Here I was, surrounded by powerful, successful female influencers, and yet the industry that needed them was literally barren of women. My mom, aunts, and grandmother were all very active in their small business with suppliers and customers. Engaged daily in ALL aspects of the business, much like funeral directors. And they were successful and, most importantly, respected as leaders.

Early in my funeral service career, I wondered, “Would there be a positive difference if women were the primary people meeting grieving families, rather than a stoic male in the dark suit?” What if, just what if, there was a mom who happened to be a funeral director? Would she understand the emotional impact of what these families are experiencing? The difference in characteristics between men and women is embedded in their genealogy. Women are more empathetic, process emotions better, and connect more meaningfully with families. Now, men are often physically stronger, perhaps more task-oriented and tend to be perfectionists in the mechanics of our profession. Male qualities are equally as important in the full circle of care.

There are times in our profession where emotion needs to be sidelined, and men have been doing this with ease since biblical times. However, women, I would argue, are more emotionally engaged. Which is perhaps one of the most, if not the most important pieces to the care we provide families. I am encouraged by the trends we are seeing in mortuary schools on a national level. According to AFBSE (American Board of Funeral Service Education), women currently make up roughly 72 percent of recent graduates of funeral services education. Up until the 1970s, men dominated the field; however, every decade since then, the number of women entering the field has increased. Not only that, the graduates are younger, between the ages of 25 and 30. Gone are the days of men as the sole choice in a funeral director. Just by sheer math, the teams inside funeral homes will continue to look entirely different than your grandfather’s funeral parlor.

Purely argument, but I think that the emotional impact of women in our profession will cement our value. This new flock of graduates may be a saving grace to a profession that seems to be fighting for our value. Yes, a premier facility and sweet cars are great, but they’re becoming less important than the people as traditions (particularly religious affiliation) continue to decline.

Men in our profession tend to be very skilled at the operational aspects of funeral care and are visionary-oriented. We are fantastic at making sure every aspect of the business is crisp, and we are always wondering what’s next. We are perfectionists. And we also provide the strength (both physical and emotional) that families need in their most vulnerable time. We still need ALL these strengths in this next generation from ALL of my fellow brothers in funeral service.

It’s easy for us men to immediately say things like, “Well, she’s definitely going to need help with that removal.” Maybe we make these comments because we perceive women as a threat? But I promise, women aren’t the threat. And a removal will get done, keeping a family as your customer should be the focus. We aren’t participating in Strong Man competition here.

Families need women’s empathy and built-in compassion just as much as our strength and vision. You can’t produce empathy. You can’t recreate it. You either have it or you don’t. And if someone has it, it could be your best asset. People will choose your funeral home when you care more. And, you probably won’t need to collect your competitor’s price list because you will be the empathy leader. Your community will care “less” about price, and more that you are unconditionally compassionate. And THIS comes more naturally to women.

I’ve seen it and believe it with all my heart. Some of the best directors I know are women, and I could care less if they picked my family member up from the 3rd floor of an apartment. In fact, I would prefer they didn’t so they could be on-point with my family during one of, if not the most important part of our professional duty. The arrangement conference.